“I was different than before. Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn’t have an appetite,” she wrote. “I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people.”
“I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy,” she continued.
“I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: ‘Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom.'”
She even got to the point where she wouldn’t leave the house.
“Not even a tiptoe outside…I had every shade closed.” The 31-year-old “couldn’t muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed.”
“John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work,” she added. “There was a lot of spontaneous crying.”
Her and hubby John Legend finally saw a doctor and found the culprit.
“John sat next to me. I looked at my doctor, and my eyes welled up because I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll,” she confessed.
“My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, ‘Yep, yep, yep.’ I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety. (The anxiety explains some of my physical symptoms.)”
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